Contagion
by TheCrazyAuthors
Summary: "He needed a day off, anyway," Blight conceded. "Just, well, steer clear of his room for today." Oneshot.


_Well, hello there. How long has it been? According to the last update of the ALBN series here, two and a half months, give or take a few days._

All right, all right. I broke my word of 'no more Senom on FFN, find me on dA and that's my last word on the matter'. I've been writing some oneshots collectively known as 'Council of Fail', and after posting the first one on my dA account, there were no comments. Lovely. So here I am, thinking 'well, maybe if I'm absolutely STUPID enough, I can post this on FFN and see if I get reviewers!'

_I've been known for my humor fics above the others-_

_("What OTHERS?")_

Li, shut up.

_("Make me.")  
_

_... so why not. I'm still on 'inactive' status, technically, but the CoF oneshots are the exception for now. I have a total of seven planned, the second one being written as I type this author's note. Keep in mind that these are in no particular order for the most part, although some might be sort of interconnected (Housecleaning, for example, takes place about a day or two after Contagion). Also, there's no real 'main character' here, and the cast is divided into 'plot groups' depending on who they interact with the most. _

_Long author's note is long. All right, I'll bother you with more after the story. Line Break, roll us out a disclaimer for nostalgia's sake, 'kay?_

(Line Break says lovely. She's back. Again. Ah, well. Senom299 of TheCrazyAuthors doesn't own Okami, Okamiden, or their corresponding villain groups.)

It seemed that no one ever noticed a crisis in the making until it was too late.

Ninetails crept by Blight's door, shuddering violently for a moment before two of her tails slammed against the wood.

"Will you PLEASE stop banging at my door every chance you get? One would think women don't chase after their objects of affection like this." The parasite snapped irritably, opening the door almost instantly. "Then again, I don't know if I can really even call you a woman. What do you want, Ninetails."

The Demon Lord shuddered again, crossing her eyes. "Blight," she started tensely, "what the hell is that smell in your room?"

Blight stared at her, amused. "If you want to come in and find out, be my guest. I'll be sure to let you wake up smelling just like it. Probably for a week."

"No!" She snapped, still trembling. "For the love of all that is evil, just do something about it!"

The parasite just stood there for a moment. "... are you catching a cold or something?"

"Just get rid of the- oh bloody underworld..."

Blight watched her run off and sighed. "Well, I do suppose I never told her that I technically _can't_ smell anything..."

One of the lights down the hall flickered on and Bullhead rolled out in his plastic ball. "It's three in the morning. Is it Military Schedule Monday already?"

The parasite just shrugged and slammed his door behind him, muttering about 'that bloody fox wench getting on my last nerve'. Ryo could be heard falling out of bed and swearing next door.

Five hours later, the mess hall was in its usual state of chaos. Ninetails stalked to a seat next to Sen and Ryo, proving her desperation to stay away from Blight.

"You know," the parasite turned to Crimson Helm, "I think she's avoiding me."

"She's _always_ avoiding you," Bullhead pointed out. "And Crimsy can't talk to you today, he lost his voice."

Blight put a 'hand' over his 'face', seeing as how it was difficult to tell if he actually had either. "I'm starting to fall under the impression that he's your pet now."

"No, we're best friends."

"I can imagine."

Down on the other side of the table...

"Has anyone seen Kingy today?" Ryo asked, drumming his fingers against the table. Ninetails thought for a moment.

"Actually, no. He's usually out here yelling about something..."

Sen and Ryo exchanged a glance and jumped on top of the table. "Leave it to us!" Sen yelled. Blight covered where his ears supposedly were.

"Oh, for the love of all that is evil..."

"Public investigators Sen and Ryo are on the case!" Ryo called. Bullhead rolled off in disgust while Ninetails smacked them off the table.

"One, it's _private_ investigators, you nitwit. Two, better idea: go guard the kitchen and make sure Bullhead doesn't forget his blood pressure yelling at the owls."

"No more than one case at a time." Sen declared defiantly.

"Well, I'll check up on that later. If you'll all excuse me, have a horrible day." Blight got up. "You especially, fox wench. Go die in a fire."

"Get an antibiotic shot. No," Ninetails's eye twitched as the parasite floated off, "get a shower. Now what am I going to do about you tw-"

Sen and Ryo were already gone.

"... Curse them," She muttered, stalking off.

"Okay," Ryo whispered, "Are we ready?"

"I can HEAR you," King Fury called from inside his room.

"Initiating Operation Save Kingy in three..." Sen trailed off, ignoring the remark completely.

"Please go away."

"Two..."

"I can't get rid of you, can I."

"One!" Ryo kicked the door open and started coughing. "Holy crap!"

"Okay, we can do this," Bullhead told himself. "Crimsy may have abandoned you, but those British oil-drinkers have condemned our fort for the last time!"

"Can I go now?" Ninetails hissed irritably.

"No, no, this is amusing." Blight told her. "Now stay behind the wall, you infernal woman."

"You smell awful, you know that?" The Demon Lord coughed.

"Mmhmm."

"OPEN FIRE! Or, uh, water! Whatever!" Bullhead rolled into the kitchen. Ninetails counted down from five tails and then he was thrown out against the corridor wall, oil splattering the hamster ball. Lechku flew out, holding out a mound of bolts to Ninetails and Blight.

"Biscuits?"

"I swear, I'm throwing that parasite out by his ear," King Fury sighed, staring at the ceiling. "Are you two done yet?"

"That... bucket..." Ryo gasped out, staring at a bucket full of what we'll call vomit and not describe to save you dear readers a trip to the bathroom. Sen was apparently having a fit and kicking the wall. "What _is_ that?"

"That's what happens when you get sick.

"You can get _sick_?"

"When Blight's involved? Yes. Yes, I can." The ghost glared at him from the bed. "Please leave."

"You can tell it was Blight," Sen muttered, spontaneously recovering. "It smells like his room in here."

"I heard my name." The parasite floated in. "Am I missing the party?"

His reply was being thrown at the wall.

"Curse you," King Fury rasped. "Get out. All of you, just get out. I'm taking a day off, and I don't care if you all throw a house party and invite that insane human girl that's been running around with a camera. Just leave me be."

Blight pushed himself back off the wall, floating away. "My work here is done."

Two hours later, Ninetails mustered all her courage and smacked Blight's door. "Hey, abomination born of the pits of the underworld. Open up."

Blight pushed it open, glaring out at her. "What, fox wench."

The Demon Lord blinked. "The smell went away. Did you actually listen to me?"

"Ha. No. I deactivated all the viruses I planted in the fort for now." He told her, unamused. "Fury should be fine in a day or two. I'll deactivate his tonight, put him out of his misery."

"You can make people sick at will." Ninetails said slowly.

"It's more complicated than that, but when you put it that way, yes."

She hit him with one of her tails, sending him collapsing onto his bed. "What is WRONG with you?" She hissed. "I've been smelling your _contagion_ all day long, couldn't sleep last night... you SAW me shaking earlier, you nitwit, you never THINK-"

The door slammed shut in front of her, and Blight could be heard swearing under his breath.

"You know," he noted dully, opening the door again, "I did it for Fury. The man-demon-ghost-whatever has been working himself half-past dead lately."

"You stunk up the fort because you _pitied_ him?" Ninetails asked, stupified.

"He needed a day off, anyway," Blight conceded. He glanced down the hall and sighed, watching Sen and Ryo run around wearing gas masks. "Just, welll, steer clear of his room."

Ninetails smacked him again. "You're being _nice_. Blight. It's not like you."

"You're using your nicey-nicey voice around me, hypocrite." The parasite pointed out. Ninetails rolled her eyes.

"_Well_ then," She huffed, "I'll take my leave of you. Good day, Blight."

"Get out of my doorway." He slammed his door and the fortress went quiet.

"OIL SPILL! I CAN'T SEE!" Bullhead yelled, rolling around frantically.

Well, as quiet as it could get, anyway.

~*~

_I have fun writing villains all of a sudden, can you guys tell? It's fun twisting the Okami villains around and making half the group look like retards (cough cough Sen, Ryo, Bullhead cough cough)_

Little bit of trivia: CoF was originally a 15k and counting fic I wrote back in August, but lost. Good thing, too, it was AWFUL, but I did keep a lot of the elements (the plot groups are exactly the same, Blight did get King Fury sick at one point, Bullhead had a hamster ball as means of mobility, etc.) and worked with what I had. Hopefully this is better than that crap from then.

_I'm writing this author's note at 12:23 AM, so I don't know if I'm gonna have Housecleaning done in time to post up along with this one when I post it or not. Ah, well. _

_Anyhoo, I'm not exactly 'back', but I'm not exactly 'gone' either. If you shoot me a PM, chances are I'll reply within the week. ALBN, as I've mentioned too many times to count, is being continued on my deviantART account and that is that. (Closer is on Chapter 7 right now, so if you guys want to keep up then move faster about it.) Everything else is on shutdown mode right now for as far as I can tell. I might reboot Sleepover and finish it come June, but that's a maybe. Rewind! is being stored in the 'never again' corner._

_But what am I doing ranting here about it? Ah, well. Housecleaning should be up along with this one or relatively soon. For now... Senom299, the Seeker of Miracles and Certainty/the Shadow of Fantasies, out._

_WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT. REVIEW REQUEST. Ummmm Lilac you've been sitting in the corner all day, you do it!_

Li: What? I'm not even part of this series!

TOO BAD do the request anyway.

_Li: *sighs* Please review. So the moron might get out of my face. *flips light switch off*_


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